Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Changing for the Better

I have been away from blogging for several months now because of lots of changes in my life. I took a break from blogging because of so many other things going on and I needed to concentrate and most importantly, pray.

In August 2012, I returned to work after having been off work for one year and nearly completly resigning from my position (All but one document had been submitted so I was able to return to work, I am so happy to have had that one missing document). I returned to work the same week as my son's very first birthday and I was absolutely devastated with going back and leaving him. My mother came to my home to stay with me and it worked out for the best in terms of child care, she took my older two girls to and from school since I no longer could. I was not all that happy about my mother coming to stay with me, we do not have a mother daughter bond like most, but I was appreciative of her being there because I could not go to work without her help.

Shortly after my mother came to stay with us, she began to confide in me she was not feeling all that well and was having some issues with her digestive system. I had encouraged her to go to the doctor's and not take any "quick fix" solution remedy answers from the doctor. After several visits, a colonoscopy was finally scheduled, my mother had been diagnosed with colon cancer before we could even get our minds wrapped around all of the testing. She had surgery on November 15,2012. The surgery was successful and my mother did not need to have chemotherapy, that was a wonderful holiday miracle.

My home life had been rocky for quite some time, my marriage had been very unhealthy and unhappy, and the truth of the matter is, I was tired of holding on and living a lie about how bad things were. My daughters were really concerned for me and had been expressing their feelings to others and sharing some things with me for quite some time, I did the very best I could to keep hoping for the best and trying to find ways to open dialogue regarding the issues, however my words fell on deaf ears. I filed for divorce in October and the papers were served in November. I am happy about changing my life for the better,  I know that things will be tough, I cannot pretend there is not a child involved in this situation, nor can I deny the amount of stress divorce is causing.

In a marriage, there is no one that is completely without responsibility for issues, I do acknowledge there were probably things I could have done differently, I do acknowledge there are things that may have been visible and a problem long before either of us elected to say anything, I also know that in the future, communication will have to be more deliberate and open in order for there to be success in my relationships.

There have been really happy moments in my life despite the stressors, I am glad to see my oldest daughter looking at colleges and taking the next steps in her life; I am delighted to see my middle daughter becoming more prepared for high school, she is still my baby but she is growing up. And my precious son, is learning and growing each day. My children are the joy of my life and I cherish every thing about them, I am grateful to have been selected by God to be their mother.  

My goals for 2013

Believe in God for all things I am concerned with
Create furnishings and Decor for my home
Convert Jai's crib to a tufted bed
Select fabric for Jai
Paint a toddler table and chairs set for the toddler room
Spend more time reading
Treat myself to new clothing and accessories
Continue to exercise and shed pounds and inches
Continue to bake and try new recipes
Laugh more
Sing more
Take the baby to the Zoo, Aquariums and Live Character Shows he likes
Decorate a fabulous Celebration Dinner for Morgan's Graduation
Write down 10 Things I am Grateful for Everyday

I have wanted to blog and stay connected but have been in survival mode for quite some time, I am feeling like myself now and I am confident the new year will bring more happiness. I pray the same for you and your families!